Surviving the Unknown - Corona Virus (COVID-19)

We are five months into the year and I haven't had a single post!  And while it feels like the blink of an eye, a lot has been happening.  Most notably, the Coronavirus, or COVID-19 as it's being called.  Although coming to the US in January (or possibly earlier), it didn't spread enough to cause panic until March. Schools shut down March 12th and we are navigating unprecedented times as we all find ourselves trying to figure out what to do, how to act and what it all means.  I find it not dissimilar to 9/11, although then we are were united.  "United We Stand."  "Let's Roll."  And American flags EVERYWHERE.  And yet this disaster finds people polarized by different views on how it should be handled.  Throwing stones at those they think aren't handling the situation properly...as if there's a book to know how to handle this.  Our leaders are in a tough balance between safety and another Great Depression if this quarantine carries on too long.  Many families will struggle to recover and others may not survive the illness.

But that is not what makes me want to write today...not at all.  What makes me want to write is hearing the fear from people I talk to.  The desperation.  That fear of the unknown is what is truly hardest for people to cope with - if we were told this will end July 18th [insert any date], we would at least have something to work towards.  A light.  That is what this post is about - how do you find the light?

Reagan had 435 seizures before brain surgery after which we were told "her left side may be weaker".  Talk about uncertainty. What does that mean? We signed a waiver that we would not hold the hospital responsible if she died. Then THREE months of bed rest - I couldn't leave my hospital room.  No trips to the grocery store or Home Depot let alone going out of my room to see people.  But the difference was the direct impact on life or death.  These two little lives in my stomach were counting on me - the gravity of the situation was real waking up in a pool of blood every morning.  I got to leave my bed once a week to be wheeled for my sonogram. Unlike now, where we may or may not personally know someone who has been died from CV-19.  

And that is what this post is about.  How do you survive the unknown?  The feelings of fear and despair?  Especially when our goals and targets are ever changing.  Everyone deals with it differently.  Blogging definitely helps me to work through my thoughts.  I also had a calendar to count down the days - it gave me a sense of progress.  Faith is another big part - this has helped me lighten my burden.  Having faith that I will have support to make it through the hard times...even if (and when) the outcome isn't what I had hoped.

My father always said, when faith and hope have been lost, there is always love.  And so I ask you each to remember this. Many of us are having feelings of lost hope and possibly even lost faith.  But you can love those around you.  You can brighten someone's day.  To this day, I remember those who brought me flowers, cupcakes, knitting kits, magazines and dinner.  They gave me hope that I'd make it another day.  I went into the hospital in JULY and was due in JANUARY.  Imagine 6 months when you couldn't leave your ROOM!  And yet after losing Kendall, I would give ANYTHING to have stayed on bedrest past just a little bit longer...I would have made that sacrifice for her, but I wasn't able to.

Today we each have a choice to decide how we react to this fear and more importantly how our children will remember it.  And I BEG you, do not let it create fear. It feels like a burden now and will always be remembered, but "this too shall pass."  Give those around you the gift of kindness and show resilience. FAITH, HOPE and LOVE will go SO much further in life than feeling like you have lost something that was owed to you...like a graduation ceremony.  We are all making sacrifices for the benefit of our country and we are CHOOSING this sacrifice.  Between cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus, epilepsy, blindness, I could absolutely allow myself to feel bitterness at what I lost and some days I do but our world is SO much bigger than this one defining thing called CV-19.  Regardless of whether you think we should continue to stay home or believe we should reopen, find a way to see the beauty in what is around us and know one day this will be in the past.  Choose to see all the families who are finally at home together for dinner or out for a walk...together. Look for  where we are GOING, not what is lost.  Grieve with those who have lost, but remember that brightness will return.  I remember the feeling when Kendall died that nothing would ever feel happy again.  I don't remember when that changed, but time brought healing.  And we will heal from this too...if we choose to.

So we are reminded that we must remember the good times, move forward and have faith that normalcy will come again. The Bischoff's have had a fun year so far that included snow tubing, skiing, Great Wolf Lodge and Alexandria's St. Patrick's Parade.  And while we couldn't take a Spring Break trip and our 5th grader won't be able to see her friends for her promotion ceremony, I know there will be fun adventures this summer.  We may just need to get a little more creative! Wishing you all health and happiness.  Stay safe!

And in the blink of an eye, 2019 is a wrap!

Every year around this time I get a bit nostalgic.  I always print my annual family photo album by New Years Eve and love looking back at all the memories.  I'm always a little sad to say good bye to the year before, but hopeful for what the next year will bring.  We had quite the year in 2019.  We made it through with NO hospitalizations (not including outpatient procedures).  We had a flurry of doctors appointments this year - 24 total not including the orthodontist (7) or dentist (2).  The big religious milestones are behind us, Reagan started her last year of Elementary School, and we took the kids outside the US (to Canada) for the first time that they will remember (they were too young when we went to Bermuda). I know 2020 will bring all kinds of new adventures and challenges as we face the transition to middle school.  I've already attended an IEP middle school transition meeting.  I guess you can never start too soon!  We will discuss her class schedule at her next IEP meeting in March.

As each year passes, I think about the hurdles the kids have overcome and the ones yet to be seen. I try to squelch the fears of the unknown...like how we will modify keyboarding class and change after PE but still make it to the next class on time (dressing takes longer).  And although I try to anticipate these hurdles before they arrive, we magically seem to overcome them regardless.  Like finding an adaptive recorder last minute to ensure Reagan could pass all 7 levels of her belt test.  Who knew?!

I marvel that this year was by far my worst for keeping up with my memories in this blog.  I spoke to another mom at a New Year's Day party who said she journals even the little things - like favorite quotes and memorable activities.  It made me think that perhaps I shouldn't feel we need to have ACCOMPLISHED something for me to post an update.  Perhaps blogging SHOULD be more about the little moments, not the big ones.  Not a task, but rather a reflection on the little things that make life so amazing.  I often consider deactivating my blog, but every time I do, new challenges arise and people ask me to continue so they can hear what's doing on. I always hope that other families with similar needs follow my blog to help them, but it's hard to say.

As we wrap up 2019, I think about the little girl who hated having Happy Birthday sung to her because she didn't like the attention.  Facing the big stage as she was chosen to play Wacky Cat in the 5th Grade Musical Aristocats.  She has come so far!  She practiced every Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours from September to December.  She didn't complain once and really had fun practicing with her classmates and acting out her part as one of the alley cats.  She also participated in the morning news show for another month and started as a Leadership Mentor who goes to the kindergarten classroom to help the kids pack out at the end of the day.

We also had a chance to get away for a Hershey Bears hockey game. It's definitely one of my favorite Bischoff traditions.  Not only did they get to see Coco, but Reagan caught a game puck!  We love our annual tradition of driving up for a game.

And with that we close out 2019 and as I always say to my children, "don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened."