What I always find interesting is how vivid the memories continue to feel even after all these years. I remember kissing her good-bye and not knowing if I would see her alive again. I remember walking into the room and thinking at 2 mos old she looked so small in that huge bed. I remember her body looking so lifeless and being angry she needed so many IVs that they even had one inside her diaper. I remember thinking that seemed so wrong. I remember my heart aching to pick her up and tell her it was going to be ok but being told I couldn't. I remember having to wait to pick her up for what felt like forever. And I remember when I could finally hold her not wanting to let her go...sitting up all night in a chair holding her and just weeping about the unknowns of the future.
Each year the pain lessens as we see the amazing progress she is making but there is always a stark reminder of our past and the road ahead. Today I'm more hopeful than last year and I pray next year will feel the same. What I do know is that we are blessed to have two amazing children who never give up, who live life enjoying the moment, and who are happy and smiling. And truthfully, happiness is what we all want for our children and what we are all trying to achieve. And although this ride we call life goes up and down, I'm learning that the true meaning is to enjoy every day we have together and make the most of it.